Yesterday I almost snapped in a child's face. I had to close my eyes and take three breaths before I could speak to him because I was afraid I would break my pointer stick in half right there. Every vision of a teacher driven crazy that I've ever seen was about to come true. We were doing a ridiculous worksheet that was making my blood pressure skyrocket anyway and Yahya, an absolute bull of a child, is tearing around the classroom screaming in Arabic. I question whether he has ever sat in a chair before from his inability to remain in one for more than 45 seconds. He stands up, I pick him up and put him back. He stands up, I pick him up and put him back. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. All day. At least I won't have to join a gym. Yesterday I turn around and he has pulled his chair to the cubbyholes on the side of the class, climbed off the chair, onto the cubbyhole, and is purely suspended from the higher cubbyhole and is pulling down folders and throwing them on the floor. He is also trying to pull the cd player off the shelf. So I have to physically remove him from the shelves and hold him in front of me. And because this is of course the 10 minutes of private hell formally known as 'dismissal,' he goes limp and lays on the floor in front of me so that no children can get out. So today I basically trap him next to me, holding the body of his chair underneath mine with my legs and holding his back so that his chest is pressed against the side of my leg. His mother comes to the door and says, "Oh! Yahya habibi you are sitting next to Teacher!" If only she knew.
Encounters from my day:
Anonymous parent 1: Excuse me, miss, why was my son in the naughty chair yesterday?
Actual Reply: Oh well you know they are boys and they like to play hit each other under the table. I had to separate them all.
*Appropriate reply: Because he's naughty as hell. That's why.
Anonymous parent 2: How is my baby? She had fever all night last night. Is she okay?
Actual Reply: She seemed fine, a little sleepier than usual.
*Appropriate reply: WTF.
Anonymous parent 3: How was she today? Is she good?
Actual Reply: She was fine, better than yesterday!
*Appropriate reply: She flipping whines and screams for you all day, no she's not good! She's a whining baby. She isn't ready for school. I can't even teach over her screaming.
My patience is wearing thin, so these tears better stop. Soon.
still lol-ing at every post. you have the twice the patience of any person i know...keep it up! think about those paychecks and how you're spending your time halfway around the world rather than focusing on the obvious (demon children).
ReplyDeleteOMG, I actually had a music teacher in 5th grade that got really disgusted with our class one day, and DID break the pointer stick in half. He left and never came back. You really are so patient, your students are so lucky to have you as a teacher!!!
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