If I hadn't laughed I would have cried...

3:30 pm, City Center Mall, Doha, Qatar

I burst out laughing as I walked down the second floor of the mall outside a swanky jewelry shop. Laughing seemingly at nothing, the other teachers turned around, visibly astonished at my slight break into insanity. So let's rewind.

1:40 pm, International School, Doha

In the midst of trying to teach a lesson over the two boys who had been screaming all day, two parents walk up to the door to peek in at their children. Hint to parents and future parents: do not 'check up' on your three year old when you abandon them at school from 7 am until 2 pm. During the first two weeks. Just don't. Here is what happens as a result: your previously calmly engaged child suddenly turns absolutely raving at the sight of you and your subsequent disappearance, beginning to truly believe you have abandoned them to my care forever, much to their (and my) chagrin. Then, at least two other children remember how much they miss Mama and Baba and will begin to wail as well. Leaving me to teach another forty minutes over screaming three year olds. Picture five children screaming and wailing, two stamping their feet all around their chairs, one about to make himself sick from his tears, and another tearing about the place in his attempt to escape (actually nearly succeeding once). Now look up to the front of the classroom and see Maria sobbing so hard she has actually given herself a bloody nose. Not just a light trickle. We're talking full blown river streaming down her face - into her mouth, all over her (white) shirt, the table, and the floor. At this point I abandon all pretenses of teaching and dash to Maria with a box of tissues, trying to keep her from swallowing the blood and thus vomiting (which if you know me, you know I will avoid at all costs). Thinking I'm finished? False. There is more. As this is going on, a little boy shits all over the floor of the bathroom at the back of my room.

So to recap, let's do a multiple choice, since I am, after all, a teacher, right?
Today in KG1B:
A. A child cried herself into a nosebleed.
B. A child crapped all over himself and the bathroom.
C. Neither.
D. Both.

Sadly I don't think I need to repeat the answer. Did I mention this is occurring minutes before I need to put three children to the bus and greet parents at the door?


Back to the mall. If I hadn't laughed, I think I actually would have cried. I suppose I should see that as a testament to my state of mind that I chose the former. Looking for the positive.

Miss Batty