I know I've been missing from blogland for a few weeks, and I apologize again. As usual. I've been busy with school etc. since I last wrote. More specifically, busy navigating the complexities of teaching second grade English to a bunch of Muslim children in a conservative Muslim country. We're reading fairy tales this year - seemingly innocent, right? You can tell a fairy tale any way you want and still have the same ending. There is surely a totally acceptable, approved version that I'm teaching. No possible issues could arise here, right? Wrong.
Just last Wednesday:
"Someone please give me a sentence for handsome."
[Silence]
"Okay, who can tell me what 'handsome' means? Yes, Ali?"
"Miss handsome means nice to see, like beautiful."
"Exactly, yes! Like beautiful, but we use it for a boy. Now someone give me a sentence for handsome."
"I saw a handsome prince."
[Small silent giggles and shifty eyes cascade around the classroom]
"Good. Thank you. Now, our next word is married. Who can give me a sentence for married?"
[Silence. I know this will go nowhere.]
"Okay, how about 'The princess married the prince.'?"
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! Miss!!!!!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!
"Miss! Miss! No, put 'The princess married the princess.' It's better."
"Uhhhhmmm [Shit! Shit! What do I say???] well, I don't know......maybe. Maybe some places. *Fastest sentence I've ever said in my life.* Not here though. Let's say it this way. Please write it the way I have it on the board."
I know the ridiculous (and hilariously instantaneous) burst of laughter is due to their being seven years old, but how do you field even these innocent ideas of sexuality in a place that doesn't acknowledge any difference in orientation? Difficult, to say the least. I have no desire to lose my job and be deported (obviously) or give them a false sense of what their reality is, so what else could I say?
Follow this scene with two boys playing with something under their desk...rifling pages....whispering.
"Boys! [Jump out of their seats with guilty faces] What's this?!"
What do you think I see under their desk? Bugs? Notes? Toys? Basketballs? No. (All things I have seen though.) A copy of Sleeping Beauty, which we will read in March, open to the page of the prince kissing her awake.
"Misstyfelice! You see?? It is haram (sinful/forbidden). He is kissing her on her MOUTH!! Ewwwww. Is haram!"
"Put the book away, please. Don't bring this until we need it and I tell you to bring it to school. Or you might lose it. Then you won't have it when we need it."
"But Miiiiiissssss! It is haram."
"Well.... it's not haram because they get married. [Maybe?] Now put it away and pay attention."
Sigh. I can't even imagine what March will be like.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Sunday, October 9, 2011
The black hole that is First Grade...
Little boys will discourage me from breeding yet...
[Door opens]
Ahmed: MISS!!! My pants wet! From the toilet.
Me: It's fine, Ahmed. Only water. It will dry. It's ok. Now go back to your seat.
Ahmed: No, Miss. Not water.
Me: ....What.
Ahmed: In the toilet...there is naughty boy! He take his [points to his below the belt area] and make like this [puts his finger right at his crotch and makes spraying motion].
*Sigh*
Or even worse....
[Door bangs open] MIIIISSSSS!!!!! In the toilet....there is a boy, very naughty! In his hands he take CA-CA! and he make like this [throws his hands in the air as another human might sprinkle confetti.]
WHAT is it with little boys and the toilet. I might start forbidding them to go.
Another one picks his nose and eats it...and now I know exactly when he's doing it because I will suddenly hear a chorus of five girls, "MISS! Mohammed, again he put his finger in his nose..and in his mouth!! Disgusting, Miss!" And Thursday afternoon, I looked over at Abdulrahman, quietly resting his head on his wheely backpack...and *double take* licking the wheel to make it turn.
Getting used to the difference between first and second grade might take some practice, too. I've discovered that Grade 2 students are certainly far more mature. Like yesterday, when I caught Kareem writing a love note to Fatima after their spelling test. I had told them to take out their books and read while the last few were finishing and out of the corner of my eye I see Kareem doodling at his desk.
I went over to take his scribbling away and put it in the trash and see "I LOVE YOU FATIMA" on a page torn out of his notebook. Could not even open my mouth to give out to him. I had to glide past and go erase the board so no one would see me laughing. Kareem is goofy and never stops talking while Fatima is the quietest, best behaved girl in the class. Watching him look at her slyly over his shoulder for the rest of the day almost made up for his abysmal spelling results.
Other than school news, life is going well in Sand-Land. There's still not much to do in Doha (last weekend I saw four of my students in the shopping mall). It's still sweltering, but the humidity is beginning to die down a little bit. And last weekend Blaine and I went out for our anniversary (eee) - one year. I can't believe it's been so long, especially considering none of my 'dating' experiences with the eligible non-brain-dead male population at BC ever progressed past a second date. Guess I finally got interesting. So we went to the restaurant we went to for our first date and had to refuse a fine bottle of an exclusive vintage water (it's not in a hotel so water is what you get, not wine). And then after our dinner, the manager gave us a free dessert! It was like they knew. Or like they remembered the awkward, clumsy, secretly elderly couple from last October and were impressed we can finally coordinate conversation and eating. All out, a very nice night topped off by ice cream (yes, after a piece of chocolate cake...but since Blaine doesn't like chocolate or cake- freak, I know- and I never say no to ice cream..) at Haagen-Daaz. So all's well for now.
Miss Batty
[Door opens]
Ahmed: MISS!!! My pants wet! From the toilet.
Me: It's fine, Ahmed. Only water. It will dry. It's ok. Now go back to your seat.
Ahmed: No, Miss. Not water.
Me: ....What.
Ahmed: In the toilet...there is naughty boy! He take his [points to his below the belt area] and make like this [puts his finger right at his crotch and makes spraying motion].
*Sigh*
Or even worse....
[Door bangs open] MIIIISSSSS!!!!! In the toilet....there is a boy, very naughty! In his hands he take CA-CA! and he make like this [throws his hands in the air as another human might sprinkle confetti.]
WHAT is it with little boys and the toilet. I might start forbidding them to go.
Another one picks his nose and eats it...and now I know exactly when he's doing it because I will suddenly hear a chorus of five girls, "MISS! Mohammed, again he put his finger in his nose..and in his mouth!! Disgusting, Miss!" And Thursday afternoon, I looked over at Abdulrahman, quietly resting his head on his wheely backpack...and *double take* licking the wheel to make it turn.
Getting used to the difference between first and second grade might take some practice, too. I've discovered that Grade 2 students are certainly far more mature. Like yesterday, when I caught Kareem writing a love note to Fatima after their spelling test. I had told them to take out their books and read while the last few were finishing and out of the corner of my eye I see Kareem doodling at his desk.
I went over to take his scribbling away and put it in the trash and see "I LOVE YOU FATIMA" on a page torn out of his notebook. Could not even open my mouth to give out to him. I had to glide past and go erase the board so no one would see me laughing. Kareem is goofy and never stops talking while Fatima is the quietest, best behaved girl in the class. Watching him look at her slyly over his shoulder for the rest of the day almost made up for his abysmal spelling results.
Other than school news, life is going well in Sand-Land. There's still not much to do in Doha (last weekend I saw four of my students in the shopping mall). It's still sweltering, but the humidity is beginning to die down a little bit. And last weekend Blaine and I went out for our anniversary (eee) - one year. I can't believe it's been so long, especially considering none of my 'dating' experiences with the eligible non-brain-dead male population at BC ever progressed past a second date. Guess I finally got interesting. So we went to the restaurant we went to for our first date and had to refuse a fine bottle of an exclusive vintage water (it's not in a hotel so water is what you get, not wine). And then after our dinner, the manager gave us a free dessert! It was like they knew. Or like they remembered the awkward, clumsy, secretly elderly couple from last October and were impressed we can finally coordinate conversation and eating. All out, a very nice night topped off by ice cream (yes, after a piece of chocolate cake...but since Blaine doesn't like chocolate or cake- freak, I know- and I never say no to ice cream..) at Haagen-Daaz. So all's well for now.
Miss Batty
Monday, September 19, 2011
Ding ding! Round 2.
The moral of week 1: Little boys can't control themselves.
In Grade 1F:
I have a peeping tom and a flasher. Should work out well for them.
I have another boy who has never been to school (or seen other children before apparently). Generally it takes six tries for him to respond to his own name. He also cannot open or close his own pants. He also booty dances around the room shaking his rather large butt in the other kids faces when he wants a pencil or an eraser. I wish I didn't want to laugh at him.
Another boy only wants to dance. Instead of doing his mental maths today he jumped out of his chair exclaiming, ""Miss! I make dance!" and wowed me with some pretty sweet Gumby moves for a five old. Thanks, MJ.
In Grade 2C:
I have confiscated: two rulers, six pencil cases, one Bakyugan pencil sharpener the size of a softball, two baseball caps, one Matchbox car, and three water bottles.
During spelling: "MISSSSSSSSSS!!!!! MISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTYFELICE! I spill!!"
Well....WHY do you have chocolate milk out during spelling?!?!?
Our language lesson was about family this week..one little boy told me, "Miss! I have no sisters! Four brothers only." God bless your mother.
Welcome back.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
And so it begins again...
Hello again! Back for round two in the desert. I've been getting resettled in Doha and into a routine (finally!). School starts again on Monday. I am the class teacher for 1F and the English teacher for 2C. Bye-bye babies! Thank God. Pictures of my new classroom to be posted soon. I get to teach science. Week one- 'observing seeds.' Can't wait.
Also, the notorious kindergarten child moving up into first grade? 1F. Into my class. All of the assistant teachers keep saying, "AHHHH MOHAMMED*! You have Mohammed? Ah, is too much." Can't wait.
Also, the notorious kindergarten child moving up into first grade? 1F. Into my class. All of the assistant teachers keep saying, "AHHHH MOHAMMED*! You have Mohammed? Ah, is too much." Can't wait.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Snack time
[Sitting at my desk correcting a few final worksheets for them]
Small spastic child: Teacha! Teacha! Miss Patreesia!
Me: [turn to child] Yes, what do you nee...
Small spastic child: Eat! [Shoves a Cocoa Puff into my mouth while I'm still talking] Eat! Eat!
I don't even like Cocoa Puffs.
You might think that's cute but all I can say is it's a good thing that tomorrow is the last day of school.
Small spastic child: Teacha! Teacha! Miss Patreesia!
Me: [turn to child] Yes, what do you nee...
Small spastic child: Eat! [Shoves a Cocoa Puff into my mouth while I'm still talking] Eat! Eat!
I don't even like Cocoa Puffs.
You might think that's cute but all I can say is it's a good thing that tomorrow is the last day of school.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
A is for Azerbaijan...
Can you name the countries that go with these flags?How many adults do you know who can draw this many flags from memory?
Most brilliant kindergartener of all time? Possibly.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Trials, tribulations, and tokens
Everyone, breathe! Concerts are over- with minimal tears, waawaas (booboos), and failures. Almost everyone sang, almost everyone left their costumes alone (except one boy who refused his tail and two others who took their ears off on stage and played with them instead of singing), and only one girl cried (and she kept singing through her tears- yes, she is a champion.) We sang the Itsy Bitsy Spider, the Wheels on the Bus, and Five Little Monkeys- all very successful. Especially Five Little Monkeys- I'm almost certain that the Greek Embassy across the street could hear their stomping on the stage. Some of the parents came up to me afterwards saying things like, "Ahhhh Miss Batreesa thank you so much! It is too much hard work you do for them" or "Ah it is lovely! Thank you Miss Batreesa!" or "God help you." That's right it's too much hard work. You should have seen me twenty minutes ago safety pinning tails and monkey stomachs on them and trying to keep them quiet in the back room of the stage.
But in the aftermath of the concert and the school year winding down, I'm returning to teaching life skills. Like tying your shoes. I obviously know children cannot tie their own shoes until they are taught but I just assumed that you teach your kid that before you send it to school to settle on an unsuspecting teacher. The only reason I discovered their serious lack of shoe-tying/velcroing skills is that the kids had to take their shoes off for our practices. Time to go back to class. Now, Choose Your Own KG1B Adventure:
1. Child lurks near my knees while holding its shoes and patting my upper thigh. Miss Batreesa Miss Batreesa Miss Batreesa Miss Batreesa Miss Batreesa
or
2. Child attempts to put on its own shoes. Because I am occupied by those who are making choice #1, I do not notice that 70% of them have put their shoes on the wrong feet until we return to class. How did they even walk that way?
I realized before I could teach them how to tie their shoes I had to show them which shoe goes on which foot. So yesterday after lunch consisted of me explaining a. the difference between left and right b. the difference between the inside and the outside of their foot and c. the difference between the inside and the outside of their shoe. Then I took their shoes away, threw them in a pile in the front of the room, had them get their shoes and put them back on. Minor chaos ensued and semi-successful outcome. Everyone got their shoes on the correct feet... eventually. We practiced again today. Maybe something we do until the last day.
And now for the final segment of my thoughts, tokens. Tokens of love and appreciation and personality insight from four year olds. To start this story off, for those of you who are wondering, yes it's summer again. With a vengeance. My glasses have started fogging up again when I go outside (the opposite of what used to happen in Boston). Today's high- 112. And today's special- P.E. Outdoor P.E. because KG1 doesn't rate gym time. Outdoor P.E. was all well and good when it was only 85 but now that the temps are consistently triple digits, I don't think it's safe to have four year olds running around in the desert. Plus they start to whine and I can't handle that. So today's P.E. consisted of me loosing the boys on the sole patch of grass on the grounds underneath a few struggling trees. Immediately I had three boys around me- "Teacher! For you!" "Miss Patreesa, for you!!" "Miss Batreesia, take!"
Any guesses as to what they were holding? Leaves. Tiny leaves scattered all over the grass. Then, all the boys wanted in. So every 2 seconds was punctuated by, "Miss Patreesa!!" and me receiving five new leaves. Until I had in my hands a pile of approximately 738 leaves.
"Miss Patreesa, take to your home!"
"Miss Patreesa, nice?"
"Miss Batreesia, from you!"
"Miss Patreesa, show to your mommy!"
Then some of them surpassed all bounds of sanity and starting breaking branches off the bushes and giving them to me..."Put for your hair Miss Patreesa!" "Miss Patreesa, put here! [points to my ear]" So of course, I did. Which immediately prompted, "Teacher, you crazy!" Thank you, Rayan. But he made up for it by running up to me shortly after, wrapping himself around my leg and saying, "Teacher, you beauty!"
I may have officially lost it. Putting tree branches in my hair? Where are they getting this vibe from? What do I do in class that gives them this idea about me? One of the other teachers did call me 'earthy' last week....
Point taken I suppose.
But in the aftermath of the concert and the school year winding down, I'm returning to teaching life skills. Like tying your shoes. I obviously know children cannot tie their own shoes until they are taught but I just assumed that you teach your kid that before you send it to school to settle on an unsuspecting teacher. The only reason I discovered their serious lack of shoe-tying/velcroing skills is that the kids had to take their shoes off for our practices. Time to go back to class. Now, Choose Your Own KG1B Adventure:
1. Child lurks near my knees while holding its shoes and patting my upper thigh. Miss Batreesa Miss Batreesa Miss Batreesa Miss Batreesa Miss Batreesa
or
2. Child attempts to put on its own shoes. Because I am occupied by those who are making choice #1, I do not notice that 70% of them have put their shoes on the wrong feet until we return to class. How did they even walk that way?
I realized before I could teach them how to tie their shoes I had to show them which shoe goes on which foot. So yesterday after lunch consisted of me explaining a. the difference between left and right b. the difference between the inside and the outside of their foot and c. the difference between the inside and the outside of their shoe. Then I took their shoes away, threw them in a pile in the front of the room, had them get their shoes and put them back on. Minor chaos ensued and semi-successful outcome. Everyone got their shoes on the correct feet... eventually. We practiced again today. Maybe something we do until the last day.
And now for the final segment of my thoughts, tokens. Tokens of love and appreciation and personality insight from four year olds. To start this story off, for those of you who are wondering, yes it's summer again. With a vengeance. My glasses have started fogging up again when I go outside (the opposite of what used to happen in Boston). Today's high- 112. And today's special- P.E. Outdoor P.E. because KG1 doesn't rate gym time. Outdoor P.E. was all well and good when it was only 85 but now that the temps are consistently triple digits, I don't think it's safe to have four year olds running around in the desert. Plus they start to whine and I can't handle that. So today's P.E. consisted of me loosing the boys on the sole patch of grass on the grounds underneath a few struggling trees. Immediately I had three boys around me- "Teacher! For you!" "Miss Patreesa, for you!!" "Miss Batreesia, take!"
Any guesses as to what they were holding? Leaves. Tiny leaves scattered all over the grass. Then, all the boys wanted in. So every 2 seconds was punctuated by, "Miss Patreesa!!" and me receiving five new leaves. Until I had in my hands a pile of approximately 738 leaves.
"Miss Patreesa, take to your home!"
"Miss Patreesa, nice?"
"Miss Batreesia, from you!"
"Miss Patreesa, show to your mommy!"
Then some of them surpassed all bounds of sanity and starting breaking branches off the bushes and giving them to me..."Put for your hair Miss Patreesa!" "Miss Patreesa, put here! [points to my ear]" So of course, I did. Which immediately prompted, "Teacher, you crazy!" Thank you, Rayan. But he made up for it by running up to me shortly after, wrapping himself around my leg and saying, "Teacher, you beauty!"
I may have officially lost it. Putting tree branches in my hair? Where are they getting this vibe from? What do I do in class that gives them this idea about me? One of the other teachers did call me 'earthy' last week....
Point taken I suppose.
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